Starting over

Just tried on a navy skirt suit that I ordered for a potential upcoming job interview.  I ordered size 18 thinking that I would have plenty for room to be comfortable.   I've been considering myself a size 16 for a while now although not happy with it.   The outfit was tight, very tight.  Definitely too small.  I was able to get the blazer buttoned but it didn't fit well in the arms or the waist.  I didn't even try to zip the skirt.   Despite the outfit being a disaster I considered keeping it.  Maybe I'll loose 10 lbs in the next 2 weeks.   I'll slim down and it will look nice on me.   I already have two pair of shorts that I've been hanging onto for years.   Size 12 and size 14.  They're not spectacular but just haven't seemed out of reach enough to actually part with.   I also have a super cute Levi brand blouse hanging in my closet that I though about wearing for a banquet that is coming up this Monday.  Again, I can get it snapped but it's incredibly uncomfortable and clearly too small.  

Between today's events and the situations in the past week I am feeling motivated.   

It's safe to say that I've been in a bit of a rut lately.   My weight struggle has gotten more and more painful lately.   I sit here day after day unemployed and looking for work without doing the action piece and applying.  It's a combination of fearing failure and fearing success.  In the mean time, my day lacks structure and I gain weight.  My skin gets worse, my habits get worse and I perceive myself as being less capable than before.   I felt great last fall.  I was still unhappy with my weight but my clinical went well.  I did two weeks of what I told myself was the "Mayo Clinic Diet" although the reality is I only incorporated a few of the habits into my life.  I felt better but didn't experience significant weight loss.   That was 10 pounds ago and I now look at that time as being better than now.    

What this blog is about:  

It gives me an opportunity to "get real about what is going on here".  It's a place here I can journal my thoughts and reflect on my situation.   

Today I'm working on the job application process with hope for the future.  I need to be more aggressive about this as I'm not really thriving with my current situation.   

I took the skirt suit off and put on my running pants.   I'll be returning it when I next make it to the mall.   I guess I'll shop for an outfit when I land an interview.   Sigh.